


tell the people you care about when you leave, and do the same when you return

by SerpentineJ



Category: Gintama
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 10:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13996395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerpentineJ/pseuds/SerpentineJ
Summary: The only reason Hijikata doesn't kiss him before he goes is that if he does, he's not sure he'll be able to leave.Set at the conclusion of the farewell, shinsengumi arc.





	tell the people you care about when you leave, and do the same when you return

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: mmmm i love hijigin.. The first part is the scene from the last ep of the farewell shinsengumi arc so the lines are the same as the ep
> 
> Yknow what else hurts me ? When they do the shinsengumi flashback at the end of the hello shinsengumi arc during the closing credits, itou kamotaro shows up not once but twice. I miss him

The weather is perfect for dreary farewells, Hijikata thinks, leaving the Shinsengumi's current hiding place, provided by Katsura- a Buddhist temple, of all places- behind. A mere month ago, he would have raided the place with the rest of his squadrons. Now, he enters and leaves on his own two feet.

Halfway down the path to the entrance he spots an orange umbrella. Walking closer, he sees a familiar white robe, and a familiar man wearing it, sitting on the front steps.

~~~~~~  
Hijikata and Gintoki have the same idea, and their footsteps take them to the same place- the set meal shop, where the old man's widow has kept the business running. Hijikata tells Gintoki about the situation, and that the Shinsengumi is going to leave, with Katsura's assistance. Gintoki scoffs at him and makes some gripe about Katsura- Zura, he calls him, and Hijikata is reminded again that the man beside him played maybe even more of a role in the Joi war than Katsura- and sips his tea. 

"What are you going to do?" Hijikata asks.

Gintoki smiles. It turns out Odd Jobs isn't going anywhere. Hijikata is both relieved and apprehensive, because without the Shinsengumi and the Mimawarigumi to take any of the fall, Nobunobu is going to use his best efforts to squash Odd Jobs and Katsura's faction of Joi rebels.

"I've got some good alcohol stocked up here," Hijikata says, exhaling smoke from his cigarette, not looking directly at Gintoki. "I don't like drinking in a big group, so I often came here and drank by myself."

Gintoki doesn't say anything.

"You can have it," Hijikata says. Gintoki looks at him out of the corner of his eye in surprise. "They're expensive, so drink them one at a time."

Hijikata taps his ash out into the ashtray. He closes his eyes.

"By the time you finish all of them, I'll be back," he says. It feels like a promise and a reassurance all in one, even though he knows Gintoki doesn't need either. I'll be back soon. Don't worry about me. Think of me when you drink them, he almost says, but saying that would take him down a path that he's not sure he has the luxury of considering at this juncture, when he's about to flee the city and the sitting Shogun is out for both their heads. Gintoki watches him. "And I'll repay the rest of the debt then."

Gintoki accepts the alcohol. He's never been one to turn down free drink. It's good to see that hasn't changed.

"But I don't remember helping you out," he replies.

"You did." Hijikata says, voice low. "Your piece of junk brain may not remember, but I do."

He remembers all the times Gintoki has had his ass, even when they had been at odds. Toshi flits through his mind on a sepia camera reel. The cherry-blossom viewing party, where they had both gotten so drunk Hijikata had felt like he had had a hangover for three days after, and more recently, when Gintoki had taken his punch and thrown one of his own at Nobunobu. He thinks of Gintoki bursting out of the smoke beside him on the boat when they had been heading towards the prison island, and Gintoki pushing open the shuttered doors of the Shinsengumi headquarters with him, and Gintoki doing countless other stupid, brainless, idiotic things that have somehow become precious to him over the years.

"I'll never forget." He says.

"Even if I did, you repaid me a long time ago," Gintoki says. He has a faraway look on his face, and a small smile pulls the corners of his mouth. Hijikata feels like he's being allowed witness to some kind of secret. "I'm the one who got help recovering something he'd forgotten."

Hijikata's eyes widen.

"So don't come back carrying some debt to be repaid," Gintoki continues, looking ahead. "Bring back a bottle of booze, not to drink alone, but to share with everyone. That's more than enough."

The old lady sets their meals in front of them, and Hijikata stares at his Hijikata Special, which he would be ecstatic to have on any other day, and he's suddenly struck with the urge to eat a disgusting amount of red bean and rice. Gintoki passes over his bowl without a prior word, and Hijikata slides over his. The sweet bean on his tongue is cloying, awfully so, and this is not something that he'd ever eat- he chews through each bite with determination, every mouthful a message he wants to send to the man sitting beside him, and they finish at the same time.

"Awful," they say in unison. The old lady laughs, and they laugh with her. He looks over at Gintoki, and the smile on the other man's face sparks an emotion in him that he never thought he would feel from a man with a stupid silver natural perm and a stupider personality, with stupid amounts of persistence and perseverance- idiotic bravery and an impossibly strong soul- Hijikata thinks that as long as Odd Jobs- as long as Gintoki- is here when he comes back, it will still be the same Edo he calls his home. It will still be the same Edo he's sworn on his life to protect.

"Are you sure you and the Yorozuya kids are gonna be alright?" Hijikata says, wiping traces of red bean and rice from the corners of his mouth. There's smudges of mayonnaise on Gintoki's lips. He wants to wipe it away. The sudden thought neither surprises nor seems so bad to him anymore. "You've made enemies of the Shogun, you know."

Gintoki shrugs.

"We'll be fine," he says, cleaning up his mouth with his thumb and sucking the mayonnaise off it, making a face. "A whole country couldn't take those kids down."

"And you?" Hijikata says, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

Gintoki snorts. He smiles back at Hijikata. A warm feeling spreads in his chest. It feels good, talking openly and kindly with Gintoki. It's something he could enjoy. His heartbeat speeds up when Gintoki directs that smile at him. This is not the time to be falling in love. 

"This country tried to cut me down to size a few times already," he says. "Didn't work then, and it's not gonna now."

"Hmm." Hijikata makes a noise. "We'll put you in cuffs one of these days, Shiroyasha."

Gintoki laughs.

"Weren't you just saying you owed me a debt?" He says.

Hijikata rolls his eyes.

There's a moment of silence.

"Kondo-san is saying his final goodbyes to the Shimura woman right now," he murmurs. "Sougo is with your China girl. I think the Shinsengumi is too fond of you Odd Jobs people."

"And what does the fact that you're here with me mean, Hijikata-kun?" Gintoki says, and his smile is too warm, and Hijikata feels his heart start to pound again. His chest feels warm, and he thinks if he says anything, it might be too much and he won't be able to take those words back, pull them back out from the open air and bring them with him when he leaves- Gintoki seems to understand, because he takes that smile somewhere else, turning back to his now-empty bowl.

"Drink that alcohol slowly," he says instead.

"Even if I want you to come back quicker?" Gintoki says.

"It doesn't work that way, idiot," Hijikata says.

Gintoki smiles again and drinks his tea. He has that faraway look in his eyes that means he's thinking about the thing he has been remembering this whole time. Hijikata wonders what it is. He wonders what choice Gintoki could have possibly made in his past that is comparable to letting Kondo die. He wonders how much blood is on that silver-haired man's hands, then stops wondering, because he thinks he might trust Sakata Gintoki, and that might be enough for him.

"I'm going to protect the Edo you love, too." Hijikata murmurs. "I promise."

Gintoki glances at him.

~~~~~~

When they part outside the set meals shop, Hijikata hesitates. He doesn't want to leave. Gintoki gives him that smile again, and Hijikata's breathing stutters, and Gintoki holds out his hand to shake, and he does. 

The only reason Hijikata doesn't kiss him before he goes is that if he does, he's not sure he'll be able to leave.

"Take care," Gintoki says. "Come back to your city soon, Shinsengumi Demon Vice-Chief."

Hijikata smiles at him.

"I'll be back," he says, and grips Gintoki's hand tighter before letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: This is one of my favorite hijigin arcs bc it really SHOWS a) sorachi's damned parallels between hijikata and joi-era gintoki and b) bc .... hijikata and gintoki's relationship is shown so deep so much and they are real and serious w each other
> 
> tumblr: kimishitaatsushi  
> twitter: serpentinej


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